you s'posed to be up cookin' breakfast or somethin'

amy: it's like an alarm clock!
andy: wooowooo

--

andy: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=37209062
andy: this requires headphones
andy: or not.
andy: no, you want to hear it.
andy: you really do.
amy: um
amy: kind of catchy?
andy: it's got a good beat, and i can dance to it.
andy: WHILE DRESSED LIKE A WOLF.
amy: oh god, the singing just started
andy: oh
andy: yeah, that's where it gets good.
amy: you win.

--

amy: i've been looking up php string comparators, and i keep seeing "preg_match" and "preg_quote" etc. and going "whoah!"
andy: yeah, php gets around and doesn't wear a rubber.
andy: that's why it also has a std_library

--

andy: any solution that fails to incorporate fire is only 75% of a solution.

--

andy: curl -s 'http://www.timecube.com' sed 's/<[^>]*>//g' sed 's/&[^;]*;//g' tr '\n\r' ' ' sed 's/\*\**\*/\n/g' awk '{ printrand(), $0 }' sort -n cut -d " " -f 2- head -n 1
andy: i have created the ultimate script.
amy: umm
amy: good for you.
amy: want a cookie?

--

amy: you have finally mastered the lolcat language!
andy: well, not quite. i can ask where the bathroom is, where to get a burrito, etc.
andy: i can get by.

--

regarding this article: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/07/18/BAG9JR2C201.DTL

andy: has anybody lol'd that dog from that article i sent you yesterday?
amy: no
amy: but i think you need to.
amy: "wino dog just want 1$"
andy: "i eated what the horse eated after he eated it"

--

andy: tell you what: every time you text me something, i'll just assume you added "oh snap" to the end of it.
andy: then we can save some bandwidth.

ohhhh snap.

amy: ohhhh snap
andy: do i need to tell you how awesome it looks when you "ohhh snap" yourself over im?
andy: that's why god invented BOLD AND CAPS LOCK
amy: OHHHHH SNAP!!1
amy: better?
andy: i like the fact that you hit the keys extra hard to make that.
amy: i hit your mom extra hard last night.

--

amy: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/07/03/u-think-we-share-2-much/
andy: now that's funny.
amy: every time a lolcat makes someone laugh, an angel gets its wings
amy: on the flip side of that coin, every time a lolcat fails to make someone laugh, god kills a kitten
amy: frankly, they're in a battle for very cat survival

--

amy: i'm torn between chipotle or "the real man's burrito"
amy: um.
amy: shit.
amy: i meant la bamba.

--

amy: is he actually following?
andy: maybe not, but i'm trying to develop better habits.
andy: like your mom, when she dresses up like a nun.

--

andy: this sounds complicated. i just want to shoot a burrito at [coworker]
amy: burrito gun?
andy: we prefer the term "cannon" in the burrito projectile business.

--

andy: wrt our penguin eating discussion:http://www.sfgate.com/n/pictures/2007/07/10/penguin1.jpg
amy: i hear penguin breast meat is the best. penguin legs are small, and not all that meaty.
andy: like your mom?
andy: sorry, that one was pretty cheap.
andy: like your mom.
amy: first rule of your mom: never apologize!
amy: your mom certainly didn't.
andy: you beat me to it.
andy: like your mom did last night.
andy: this is going to be bad, isn't it?

--

andy: http://www.pliantsoftware.ws/botchallengesetup.asmx?wsdl
andy: should be wsdl, right?
andy: and yet . . .
amy: that certainly explains why the web service tests aren't working.
andy: yep.
amy: yep.

it has been an epic battle over...your mom

I would almost regret the challenge I made last week, but it's been hilarious. And now our coworkers are getting in on this hottt action...with his mom...last night...yeah...

(And I'm not gonna lie: he's winning. He even went so far as to temporarily disable a machine I was working with and rewrite the startup scripts to spit out "I restarted your mom last night." That made my week, right there. And, apparently, my mom's, as well.)

--

amy: it's like taunting monkeys
amy: except i don't get feces thrown at me
(pause)
amy: (unlike your mom, last night)
andy: blah
andy: it's like some sort of duel, where we're both eyeing eachother, wondering if the other person is going to go.

--

andy: hey do you know anything about this file i found on my computer?
andy: public_html/your_mom.html
amy: um, i might have put that there?
andy: yeah, well, it looks like the permissions are set up so that everybody can read/write/execute.

--

andy: this can only end in a race to the bottom, you know.
andy: i'm just making sure you know, before i put on my lead boots.
andy: because once i put those things on, it's tough to get them off.
andy: kind of like your mom.

--

andy: http://mparent7777-2.blogspot.com/2007/07/dick-john-cheney-on-her-list-too.html
andy: my questions are:
andy: 1. what kind of inhuman soul would be capable of sex with dick cheney?
andy: 2. what did he and your mom talk about afterwards?
amy:
1. may god have mercy on their souls
2. the previous night, which they'd both spent with your mom.
andy: not bad, not bad.

--

andy: void yourMom(){
while(1) {
// do nothing in this loop, 'cause your mom is dumb
}
}
amy: lastNight(cons me your_mom)

--

let's be honest, here

amy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_meat_animals
andy: any list like that that excludes penguin is automatically suspect.
amy: who the hell eats a penguin?
andy: let's be honest here. who doesn't?

--

andy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/06/26/giant.penguin/index.html
andy: GIANT FUCKING PENGUINS!!!
andy: you could eat for a month off one of those
amy: GIANT CELIBATE PENGUINS!!!
amy: i bet that's why they're so small, today.
andy: good point

--

amy: i am full of good points.
amy: they ooze from my pores.
amy: pretty bad for the skin, actually.
andy: well, that was an image
amy: i am full of those, too.

--

amy: [coworker] just made a "your mom" joke, i think
amy: i'm not surprised, but i'm glad _someone_ is taking up the slack.
andy: sorry, i'll work harder.
andy: on your mom.

--

amy: ok, now this is just ridiculously cute!
amy: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/26/bunway-airlines-is-now-landing/
andy: rabbit ass.
amy: cuteoverload would call them, "fuzzy bunny tocks"
amy: in retrospect, i think that site has desensitized me to the sight of the asses of cute animals

--

andy: http://www.cnn.com/SHOWBIZ/blogs/marquee/2007/06/farkcom-and-voice-of-reason.html
andy: cnn talks about fark.
andy: meta head explosion.

--

amy: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/28/all-i-can-say-is-dat-my-life-is-pretty-plain/(
andy: what kind of sick fuck makes bee outfits for cats?
amy: these people: http://www.costumesinc.com/pet_costumes_costumes_for_your_dog_costumes.cfm
amy: and these people: http://www.anniescostumes.com/pet.htm
amy: and these people: http://www.costumecraze.com/Traditional-Costumes-Halloween-Costumes-Halloween-Costumes-for-Pets.html
andy: sick sick sick.
amy: and these people: http://www.i-pets.com/cat_costumes.html
andy: just stop.
amy: heh.