an accumulation of the last two weeks

because things have been really, really busy.

--

andy: tastes like christmas.
andy: i probably said that last time, too.
andy: i only say five or six things.
andy: most of them end with "fuck"

--

andy: http://www.myspace.com/clubdeluxesf
andy: you should go to the "Yo Mamma! Slam 2007"
amy: nah
amy: i'm not about insulting your mom
amy: just celebrating her

--

andy: http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ds/imaginebabyz
amy: we have come a long way since the sack of flour
andy: and in some ways, not far enough.

--

andy: just get off my damned lawn.

--

amy: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/10/a-wise-wise-ani.html
andy: i'm pretty sure that rabbit could eat a person.
amy: i'm pretty sure it already has.
amy: (neil diamond, in fact)

--

andy: i'm still not sure about how i feel about the "illegal sex with
your mom" angle.
andy: i mean, we did it at a lot of different angles.
andy: but still.
amy: i hear there's websites out there on the internet for that sort of thing
andy: there are three.
andy: one isn't very good, though.

--

amy: good spam subject line: "Does your penis ruin your life?"
andy: always.
amy: penises frequently ruin mine as well.
amy: :-/

--

amy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbaTur4A1OU
amy: you just got duckrolled
amy: bitch.
andy: i hit your mom with a duck last night.

--

(when andy was complaining about how he keeps receiving other people's email)

amy: have you ever considered legally changing your name to something
other than "andrew"?
andy: have you ever considered GOING TO HELL!?!?

--

amy: ymj
amy: (just throwing that out there. gotta keep you on your toes.)
andy: only fair, since i kept your mom on her toes last night.
andy: ZING
amy: yeah, i was waiting for that.
andy: so was she.

--

amy: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/10/tocktober-icy-c.html
amy: BEAR ASS
andy: jesus.
andy: that's something i don't need to see again.

--

andy: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20071012/sc_livescience/forecastsexandmarriagewithrobotsby2050
amy: yeahhh, i saw that. those netherlands kids are craaaazy.
andy: crazy like a robot-fucking fox.
amy: but hey, i guess there's some reassurance in knowing the robot
won't break your heart.
amy: well, unless you want it to.
amy: with its fists.
andy: people already have sex with robots all the time.
andy: nobody wants to marry a vibrator.

--

andy: (andy has left the building. please leave a message.)

(after i made my first YMJ after my return to the office)

andy: i knew i was missing something.
andy: welcome back.

--

andy: so, you're going to the baseball game, right?
amy: ...
amy: will your mom be there?
andy: a;sfjas;df
amy: come on, you can come up with a witty retort!
amy: you can do it!
amy: i believe in you!
andy: now you're just being mean.

--

andy: yalp.com
andy: i haven't gone yet.
andy: porn or not porn?
andy: cast your vote.

--

amy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simply_Irresistible
amy: i mean, seriously? an "enchanted crab"?
amy: that sounds like something you catch after a one night stand with a fairy godmother. not something that makes you a "superb food witch"
andy: movies that do not feature a super-hero created by a nuclear accident or a wise-cracking ghost with a secret are automatically suspect.

--

(after discussing this)

amy: oh well
amy: sexism goes on.
andy: and it will go on until we get robots to review products.
andy: sexy shiny review robots.
amy: do i need to give you a moment alone with the review robots?
andy: ... no
andy: sadly

--

andy: are you "loving" your pet to death?
andy: CNN headlines rule.

--

amy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/09/26/nerd.auction.ap/index.html
amy: i've seen craigslist ads like this
andy: yeah, that's just what i was thinking.
amy: except they usually end with sexual favors
andy: yup, that's the one.

--

andy: "customers who bough items like this also bought ..."
andy: how many pairs of rainboots does one human need?
amy: you need to accessorize!
amy: it's easier if you've just got multiple sets of galoshes
amy: yes, this is how women think.
andy: all of them.
amy: even some men.
amy: it's an overwhelming consciousness
amy: submit to it, mr. i-have-two-bikes
amy: or else you will be assimilated into the borg collective by force
andy: ok, first off, my bikes don't match my clothes. in fact, [coworker]'s opinion aside, my bikes have about 0 style.
andy: second, at some point in this conversation i began to wonder about the correlation between owning multiple pairs of galoshes and wanting a baby in your belly.
andy: i'm thinking they might be positively related in some way, which makes me giggle, because at some point when you have a baby you'll think back on this and want to kick my ass for pointing it out.

--

amy: http://mfrost.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/2007/09/26/iminyourgardenco.jpg
amy: cuteoverload posted this mantis specifically to highlight his poop.
andy: wow.
andy: go internet.
andy: what i said about cuteoverload and anal fixation stands.

--

(making fun of Vista and the new voice-recognition capability...)

andy: You can say "How do I" followed by a task you want to perform with your computer. For example, "How do I change my desktop background?"
andy: How do I get a better computer?
andy: How do I level up?
amy: "How do I find your mom?"
andy: shit
andy: ambush!
amy: ohhhh snap
andy: i'm not sure i want the computer to do what i tell it to do.
amy: it ruins the surprise?
amy: doesn't windows already not do what you tell it to do?
andy: non-deterministic computing rocks.
amy: "don't phone home"
amy: "don't run IE"
amy: "don't suck"
andy: eh, it just obeys a subset of commands.
andy: "freeze up"
andy: "hog memory"
andy: "take forever to log in"
andy: managed expectations have gotten me this far.

...

(Throwing out some old and new ones this week because it's been slow - we're on non-overlapping vacations. Oh, and hella busy. See y'all in two weeks!)

--

andy: ...
amy: heh. it's fun to render you speechless.
andy: that wasn't speechless, that was three little sympathy dots.

--

andy: people spend more money on books about romance than they do on books about people who have dreams that they are having affairs with robots but it turns out that they really are having affairs with robots in a parallel universe and their ultimate fate is to tear down the walls between the universes so that other people can feel the cold steel touch of a robot.

--

amy: i would say, if she sat there through [friend]'s "I want to run naked at burning man" speech (which actually ran a little long) i think she can handle things
amy: yeah. it was a weird, weird few moments
andy: is there a version of that speech that would not have been a little too long?
amy: well, i guess i might have goaded him just a little.
andy: ah
andy: your a real bitch when you want to be.
andy: in the best possible way.
amy: it's "you're"
andy: yeah.
andy: yeah, it is

--

andy: the internet is run by a bunch of semi-feral 15 year old boys.
they are hungry, and they are angry.

--

andy: if wishes were horses . . .
amy: what would the horse's ass be in that analogy?
amy: come to think of it, what would the horse shit be?

--

andy: PLEASE DO (2) NEXT INTERCAL MANUAL ANDY
amy: do what now?
andy: sorry, bad intercal joke.
amy: all i get out of that is "do #2 next to andy."
amy: which i don't think is what you intended
andy: . . .
andy: . . .
amy: this is one of those conversations where it should just end, right?
andy: let's just walk away slowly and hope it doesn't wake up.
amy: hee.
andy: (shhh)

--

andy: sports team. local. how about that.
amy: going to nationals this year, i hear.
andy: yeah, going all the way.
andy: don't.
andy: don't even think about it.

on this week's episode...

amy: i frequently feel a need to punch someone in the face.
amy: well, that, or relax.
andy: face punching yoga?
amy: i feel like you're on to something there.
andy: If they can do hot yoga, why not hot painful yoga?
amy: ...i did hot, painful yoga with your mom last night.
andy: that's funny, because i punched your mom in the face last night.

--

oh CNN...

amy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/08/22/kids.domains.ap/index.html
amy: ok, seriously? wtf?
andy: yeah, i've heard about that.
andy: but i don't think enough people do that to warrant an article.
andy: i mean, they might as well right about people who wipe their
asses with their non-dominant hand.
andy: sure, it happens, but nobody cares.

amy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/09/04/dating.mating.ap/index.html
amy: next up, "THE SKY IS BLUE!"
andy: they ran that one yesterday.
andy: it was pretty well researched.
andy: they even had some quotes from NQB, a group of brits who say
that the sky is actually "Not Quite Blue"
andy: you know, for balance.

amy: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1659611,00.html?cnn=yes
amy: CNN apparently rubs off on others.
amy: "Babies vs. Chimps: Who's Smarter"
andy: fuck smarter. which one is tastier?

--

andy: engineers and sales people are generally socially retarded in
different ways.

--

oh cory...

amy: yeah...how about that foreign tennis player.
andy: he's dreamy
amy: you know who is really dreamy?
amy: Cory Doctorow.
andy: your mom.
andy: cory doctorow is your mom.
andy: there, i said it.

--

andy: so the [issue that I was whining about at the time] could be a deflecting device?
(10:00:19) andy: shields up! battlestations!
(10:00:20) amy: a personal shield device a la star trek would be a
deflecting device
amy: it's scary that we both went to the same place with that.
andy: dork and dorker.

--

amy: what would you do for a klondike bar?
andy: would you kill a man for a klondike bar?
amy: well, depends on what time of the month it is...
(pause)
andy: is there a response to this that doesn't get me fired?

(trust me, we actually <3 firefox. well, at least more than we love ie.)

andy: you know which version of firefox i like best?
andy: the one that doesn't crash every day.
amy: i like the one that doesn't hog memory and make me wait 5
minutes for my computer to come out of standby mode
andy: that one is pretty cool, too
amy: i also like the one that pops out puppies and rainbows at every
opportunity. though plays hell with my CPU time.
andy: yeah, i hear the new intel processors have a "generate_puppy"
operand. it takes like 20 cycles to run, though.

--

amy: admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.
andy: which step is insulting the bouncer and waking up in a pile of
your own blood and vomit, next to a pile of someone elses?
amy: the part where you join fight club.

--

amy: wow, this is mindbendingly meta:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/20/people.paltrow.ap/index.html
andy: yeah, that was strange.
andy: i wonder what she thinks about the article.
amy: clearly CNN needs to report on that, too.
andy: if they don't, they suck.
andy: more

--

(when coworker raised a fuss about how hot it was in our development cave)

amy: [coworker] is such a mr. crankypants today
andy: maybe if he was crankyshorts he wouldn't be so crazy.
andy: i sent him this:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whambulance
amy: you can't see it, but right now i am giving you an internal 2 thumbs up.
amy: oh, and an external one, too

--

andy: do i really need a "pretty" version i can print out.
amy: yes.
amy: yes you do.
amy: YMJ
andy: hm . . . not seeing it yet . . . staring harder . . .
amy: do you remember the part where my jokes don't make any sense?
amy: just because i use your "your mom joke" shorthand doesn't mean they'll make any more sense.
andy: there are varying levels of "doesn't make sense"
amy: i was referring to printing out a pretty version of your mom in PDF form
amy: GEEZ, get with the game, dude!
(pause)
amy: please don't throw anything at me.

royal rainbox!

andy: nobody seems happy today.
andy: we need a royal rainbox.
andy: bow.
andy: i meant bow.
andy: i'm not advocating putting anybody in a box.
andy: and i'm certainly not advocating throwing the box off a bridge.
andy: that would be murder.

--

(how lolcats have ruined america)

andy: oh god, i eated the salty ones.
amy: oh noes!

--

(when complaining about the increased traffic due to a new fancypants gym nearby)

andy: it's funny how people are always driving to the gym.
andy: I feel like there should be a remedy for this...
amy: car pooling to the gym?
andy: screw you.

--

(after discovering oscar the death cat has a canine counterpart)

amy: i wonder what happens when death dog and death cat rumble?
amy: the apocalypse?
andy: MASSIVE CNN BREAKING NEWS!!!

--

andy: i knew well enough to stay the hell away from any link
that is labled as "disturbing" by a furry.
amy: clearly i have not learned my lesson
amy: it's pretty interesting
amy: i encourage you to, um, step into this guy's world of BATFUCK CRAZY

--

andy: that tea you gave me is pretty smooth, until the last sip, where
it's all, "so you think you're tough, eh tea boy?

--

(about Mario Kart Double Dash)

andy: that game is the devil's work.
andy: all those hot video game characters with their legs wrapped
around each other, driving in their cars, doing god-knows what.

--

andy: take the day off, have some fun.
andy: go do whatever the kids do these days.
andy: with their crazy disco and rocket ships and killer robots

"your IMs are like that death cat."

andy: your IMs are like that death cat. if you get an IM from amy, you are about to die.
amy: well, that's my cheerful thought for the week

--

andy: trust me, i know exactly how funny i am.
andy: to ten decimal places.

--

(when i asked what one of our coworkers does)

andy: imagine [our company] as some sort of large sea-dwelling mammal.
andy: and imagine cash being stored in some sort of bucket.
andy: [coworker] makes sure that we always has a bucket.
andy: and that they not be taking it.

--

amy: i think about how, 50 years from now, there will be old people in retirement homes being all like, "i can has prune juice" and then everyone will laugh and none of the young 'uns will get it
andy: that's a sad, sad thought.
andy: maybe by that time a new age of sincerity will have come about, and people will be ashamed of their lolcat love.
andy: either that or the young people will be so annoyed with us that they will push for mandatory euthanasia

--

(about scottish fold cats)

andy: would it be funny to get one of those cats and put some fake blood on its head, and then walk around with it?
andy: i say, "yes"