Tuesday, August 26, 2008

last update for a little while

andy: cat cthulhu.txt sed 's/elder gods/cast of "21 Jump Street"/g' sed 's/Cthulhu/Johnny Depp/g' sed 's/non-Euclidean/early 90s/g'

--

andy: did you know that in vietnam, the currency iscalled the "dong".
andy: that lead to an awesome economist article thatused the pharse "offshore dong trading"
andy: it also talked about "relieving pressure on the dong
andy: how the hell am i supposed to take it seriously?
amy: i paid your mom in dong one time

--

andy: game: porn, or XP article?
andy: "Bob K. and I found ourselves at the same hotel in late 1999. We thought we'd do a little pairing."

--

andy: the overlap between "people you want to see naked" and "people who get naked freely" is vanishingly small.

--

amy: SNAP
andy: snap cat will drown his sorrows in a bowl of milk.

--

amy: http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/26/johnny-depp-in-sausa.html
amy: i like the idea of johnny depp sausage
andy: well duh.
amy: i'd disclaim here that i think johnny depp the person is overrated
amy: but that doesn't really leave much left
andy: i just want his sausage.
amy: me too, andy. me too.

--

amy: http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/02/internet-catfight.html
amy: watch all the way through for the "surprise ending"
andy: ok
andy: thanks.
andy: that was ... awesome.
amy: lol
andy: now i know how to stop a bar fight.
amy: that could be your superpower
amy: I do believe you were the one that said vomit wasstrength leaving the body
andy: that sounds like something i would have said.
amy: i have a record of it, in fact
andy: damn you!


--

andy:http://www.thehamburgerphone.com/?gclid=CIDV5__VoZQCFQMIswodv3KxtA
andy: MAILTO:support@thehamburgerphone.com
andy: i don't know, i just like the email address.
andy: maybe i'll pick up the gmail addressmailto:supportatthehamburgerphone@gmail.com
andy: kind of meta.
amy: RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING THE HAMBURGERPHONE!
andy: holy fuck, your hamburger is RINGING!
amy: they've got a hamburgerphone and a cheeseburgerphone
amy: do you suppose they've got a veggieburgerphone?
amy: i can has cheezburgerphone?
andy: this cannot end well.
amy: cheeseburglerphone
amy: cheeseburgerphoneburgler?
amy: i can do this ALL DAY!
andy: i know.
amy: ...
amy: actually, i can't, i ran out of ideas

Monday, June 30, 2008

eternal questions answered

amy: so what does victory taste like?
andy: sugar, and wheat, and some jam.

--

amy: did you see the CNN headline about brothels offering gas incentives?
andy: is that like "the dutch oven"?

--

my: oooh, we've got TWO code freezes happening around the same time
amy: it's exciting
amy: like your mom
andy: she is exciting.
andy: but your mom is twice-frozen.
amy: hm.
andy: wow, i just threw that one away.
amy: puzzled cat says: FAIL
andy: ok then.
amy: three-life-mario cat says: TWO LIVES LEFT

--

andy: http://punchyouinthefacebook.com/
andy: not as cool as i had hoped.
andy: http://www.punchyouinthefacebook.net/
andy: still available

--

andy: happy monday
andy: in tuvalu, the first part of monday is considered an extension of the weekend, and it is considered socially uncool to not have at least one drink before noon.
amy: we clearly live in the wrong country
andy: in pre-revolutionary St. Petersburg, many families had a monday ritual of inviting a peasant in for dinner, then branding his face with a butter knife heated over the fire.
andy: they quickly ran out of peasants, so it was a short-lived fad.
amy: you're weird.
amy: wow, tuvalu is small
andy: that's what your mom said last night.
andy: (here we see a use of delay for dramatic impact. if you turn to page 127 in your text book, you will see several other examples and counter-examples, as well as a flow-char entitled "Determining the correct delay time for maximum emotional impact")

--

andy: hm ...
andy: well, at least there was no horse fucking.
andy: yet
amy: I'll have to look on that particular bright side more frequently
andy: you should.

--

amy: [large corporation] is watching you
andy: that's why i wear the monkey suit.
andy: it never knows if it's me or the monkey.
amy: and the tinfoil hat?
andy: that's to keep my head warm.

--

andy: next time somebody says "i don't think code review is a good use of our time" i am going to punch that person in the nuts and stomp on his or her face (though if it is a her then the nuts may not work)
amy: [femaile coworker] and i could start carrying around a bag of peanuts. you know, like the ones they give you on planes?

--

amy: do you ever think "Man, I really could have rocked the Oregon Trail back in the day!" now that you've played the game?
andy: totally.
andy: i used to practice by playing in the winter with the window open.
andy: and i gave myself dysentery.
andy: with a spoon.
amy: i gave your mom something with a spoon last night
amy: ice cream!
andy: funny, i was just about to say that.

--

andy: and knowing is half the battle.
andy: the other half is not panicking and shooting your friend in the back of the head because you were up all night smoking pot and playing cards, and you lack discipline.
amy: I KNEW YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT
amy: SNAP
amy: dammit, Pidgin makes it too hard to change the font size, etc. in any reasonable amount of time.
andy: oh god.
amy: lol
amy: I loled first
amy: and then I "lol"ed
amy: ah, that's better

Friday, May 9, 2008

(psst, let's pretend i didn't forget to update)

Not so many one-liners...just a lot of long ones this time (that's what she said).

--

andy: http://www.beardsbeardsbeards.com/emo.html
andy:
http://conversationswithmyboss.blogspot.com/2007/12/long-overdue-update.html
andy: somebody owes us some cash.

--

amy: so i just bought a makeup brush the other day, and i opened it up this morning
amy: it smells like gasoline
amy: in a way that makes me kind of want to set it on fire to see what happens
andy: maybe it's a makeup brush for attracting mechanics.
andy: or huffers?
andy: either way.
amy: sounds like i can't lose

--

andy: we aim to please.
amy: lol
andy: your mom.

--

amy: nous avons un ordinateur francais!!!!!!!
amy: c'est si bon!
andy: oi.
andy: oy
andy: oui
andy: we
amy: that's what she said
amy: c'est qu'elle dit.
andy: cqd
amy: did i just win that exchange?
andy: i think that victory was so strong it might have gone into the future.
andy: did you know that jackie chan only has one word for snow?

--

andy: chloroform > dreams

--

andy: [SPAM: ***********************] Huge tool to please your lassie
andy: http://dailyplanet314.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/lassie3.jpg
amy: um, i don't think that's what they meant
andy: hey, the kid looks like a tool and the dog looks happy.

--

andy: just something i got in an email, but i was just entertained by
the fact that it was so ... big.
amy: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
amy: i typed it in lowercase first
amy: but then I realized that it needed all capital letters
andy: that's what she said.
amy: damn you
amy: stealing my thunder
amy: i stole your mom's thunder last night
amy: WOO
amy: EAT IT, [ANDY'S LAST NAME]
amy: i'm going to calm down now
andy: probably best for all involved.

--

andy: coffee cat says: i have peed in your coffee. now you have rabies.

--

andy: firefox is a fucking whore.
amy: i think i've got nothing but sympathy and a "your mom" joke
andy: i love how firefox crashes and then tells you that you've been
updated when you restart
andy: it's like your dog bringing you the paper after he's shit on the carpet

--

amy: i like the irony of mixing two totally unpalatable drinks - gin and tonic - in order to make them more palatable
andy: it does seem strange.
andy: i liked the idea from the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, that every planet had a version of the gin and tonic that tasted more or less the same and had a name that sounded more or less like "gin and tonic".
amy: universal constants?
amy: like gravity?
andy: very much like gravity.
andy: in a glass.
amy: i had a grave moment with your mom last night.
andy: i collapsed your mom in a gravity well last night.
andy: i was tossed into your mom's black hole and re-emitted as radiation.
andy: hm ... too graphic.
amy: that's what she said.

--

andy: infinitives: to split, or to not split?

--

amy: your mom was funny last night
amy: must have been the acid?
amy: hm.
amy: did i just take the joke to a new level?
andy: i'm not sure what just happend.
amy: not just sex, but now drugs
amy: next up: your mom and I will be playing rock and roll
amy: ROCK BAND
andy: that's what your mom and i did.
andy: except we had sex.
amy: you sure schooled me.

--

amy: na na, na na na na na, na na na na na na na
andy: you are being chased by a ball. it appears to be made up of pieces of your world that have been rolled up by a super-massive thing in the middle. a small man pushes the ball. you are afraid.
andy: > run
andy: which direction?
andy: > run N
andy: there is a cow to the north. you run toward it.
andy: > examine cow
andy: you try to take a close look at the cow, but it is quickly rolled up by the ball, which has overtaken you. you stare into the little man's eyes. he stares back and mutters something about his father.
andy: > cry
andy: seems like the right thing to do.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

ORDER IN THE COURT!

andy: it really depends on how well your audience understands a parlimentary system.
amy: your mom explained the parliamentary system to me last night.
andy: she likes to dissolve parliament from time to time ...
amy: I used to have this roommate...late at night, sometimes I could hear "ORDER IN THE COURT" and "IF I MAY PRESENT..." and "OBJECTION!" intermixed with moaning and yelling
amy: I couldn't tell if the banging was a gavel or the headboard against the wall
amy: i assume, sometimes, that it was both

--

andy: papercraft ceiling cat just ate my brain.
andy: good morning.

--

amy: i built this city on rock and roll.
andy: i've heard that parts of the city were built on rock and roll, but due to the use of corrupt contractors, a great deal of it was built on disco and a certain section is built almost entirely on techno.

--

andy: given the popularity of chuck norris and the "i'm fucking matt damon" video on youtube, i'm trying to figure out why "i'm fucking chuck norris" gives so few hits on google.

--

(about the eee pc)

amy: i'm a little iffy about the screen size
amy: but other than that, it looks so cute that it could be the pet i don't have
andy: and it won't pee on the carpet.
amy: yet.
andy: yet

--

amy: i used "that's what she said," on my dad last night
amy: he didn't get it
andy: that's because i was getting it.
andy: from your mom.

--

amy: hey, you remind me
andy: of the babe
andy: what babe.
andy: the babe with the power.
andy: what power?
andy: sorry, a little david bowie slipped in.

--

andy: i would imagine they could do some damage.
amy: i damaged your mom last night
amy: SNAP
amy: man
amy: someone needs to shoot the lame one-trick-pony
andy: nah
andy: we like watching it limp around.
amy: [coworker] and I can't have a real conversation anymore
amy: it's all "your mom" jokes
amy: it's pretty sad.
andy: just pretend that you're blazing new trails of communication.
andy: i mean, you aren't, but just pretend.

--

amy: "in my pants"
amy: that's the one my friend uses all of the time
amy: I somehow feel that, as a girl, this line is not as effective when I use it
amy: then again
amy: I've been doing "your mom" since 2001
andy: i think it works.
andy: and i've been doing your mom for a lot longer.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

where's this post been?

andy: the tubes must have been backed up.
andy: with poop.
andy: internet poop.

--

amy: if anything exciting happens, I'm relying on you to let me know
amy: this includes gunfights.
andy: jesus, if i had to tell you about every gunfight i would never get anything done.

--

andy: client/server arch is sexy in some ways.
andy: but like your mom in a teddy, it doesn't always do exactly what you want.
amy: ...

--

andy: do you think the files i put in the windows recycling bin really
get recycled, or do they just get thrown away at the end of the day?
amy: they go to doggy heaven
amy: we didn't want to tell you this when you were younger, but...
andy: doggy heaven, eh?
andy: i just imagined doggie heaven was a bunch of disembodied legs to hump.
andy: i suddenly had a flash of the world's third most disturbing niche porn market, and now i'm going to try to forget it.

--

amy: porn destroyed the internet a long time ago
amy: we scavenge in the ruins now
andy: porn created the internet.
andy: porn and video games.
amy: and your mom
amy: and al gore
amy: they made a baby together
amy: and it was the internet
andy: seriously, who do you think was asking for high-bandwith connections?
andy: your mom is al gore.
andy: you see, it is funny, because it kind of sounds like "your mom is a whore"
andy: which she is.

--

andy: just think of me as google with swearing.

--

andy: i live by the idea that there are things you cannot unknow, no
matter how hard you try.
amy: yeah. that probably explains why i can't get my intimate knowledge of your mom out of my head.
andy: yes, that is one reason.

--

andy: ah spring.
andy: i remember seasons.
amy: back in my day, we had to walk 15 miles in the snow uphill, both ways, in order to experience a season
andy: yeah, but once we got through nuclear winter, everything went back to normal.
andy: except the mutants.
andy: fucking mutants.

--

amy: i like puppies.
andy: they are tasty.

--

amy: uhh
amy: you're weird.
andy: a year and a half of working together and i finally coax that out of you.
amy: oh, but i've been thinking it all along.
amy: i even mouth it sometimes when your back is turned

Monday, February 18, 2008

blog cat says...

"meow, we're back."

--

andy: emo cat says: friends are mean.
amy: sarcastic cat says: did emo cat weep when he said that?
amy: also, does emo cat wear too-tight pants?
amy: and if so, where does his tail fit?
andy: stupid question cat refuses to dignify that with a response.
amy: well stupid question cat is just no fun and probably never gets laid

--

amy: i've got pavarotti stuck in my head
andy: there are worse places for him to be stuck.
amy: like the back of a chevy?

--

andy: i had your mom's cat on my arm the other night.
amy: double-entendre cat says: WIN
amy: but
amy: double-entendre cat also says: confused and trying not to picture how that works.
andy: race to the bottom cat says: i am wearin led boots.
amy: man, race-to-the-bottom cat must have a pretty stiff-legged gait, then
andy: he does, but once he hits the water there are none faster.

--

andy: VPXL+ IS GUARANTEED TO EN`L@RGE & STRENGTHEN YOUR PHALLUS OR YOUR MONEY BACK - PERIOD! SO WHY WAIT? GET VPXL+ AND LIVE LARGE TODAY!
andy: stupid question cat wonders: why wait, indeed?
andy: stupid question cat has leveled up. he is now ironic contradiction cat.

--

amy: yeah. turn that into a ymj. i dare you.
andy: i was just going to sit here and ignore it.
amy: I IGNORED YOUR MOM LAST NIGHT!!!
amy: that's right: i hurt her feelings.
amy: man, i am a bitch.
andy: she said she was happier that way.
andy: she had a head ache.
amy: you suck.

--

andy: http://www.codecommit.com/blog/scala/scala-for-java-refugees-part-1
andy: "You're comfortable with Java, you know its ins and outs, its moods. It's like an old girlfriend; you may not feel the vibe anymore, but you know just how to rub it so it smiles."
andy: someday we'll figure out why there aren't more women in the computer industry.

--

amy: amy cat wonders: are we going to talk through cats all day?
amy: not that there's a problem with that.
amy: but amy cat is curious.
amy: and amused.
andy: magic 8 ball cat says: ask again later.

--

amy: one of my friends was over last week playing katamari damacy, and I got pretty violently ill if I looked at the screen for more than 2 minutes
andy: yeah, that happens.
andy: the vomitting is weakness leaving the body.
andy: and landing on your floor.
andy: weakness smells bad, and discolors the carpet.

--

andy: psycho-analytical cat says: tell me about your mom.

--

andy: andy's-giant-guns-cat says: you fail

--

andy: joke cat says: what's the difference between a mcdonalds and a brothel?
amy: clueless cat says: um, do you want fries with that?
andy: YOUR MOM!!!
amy: critical cat says: that was terrible, but funny
andy: partner in crime cat says: i have to get one in before you leave.
andy: ymj

Saturday, December 22, 2007

a long overdue update

...because I suck at blog.

--

andy: emo - the musical
amy: the stage full of hipsters.
amy: wow.
amy: i can imagine it now.
amy: even though i'm trying pretty hard not to.

--

andy: i remixed your mom last night.
andy: i added some new beats.

--

amy: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/12/02/crabby-old-man-kitteh-tellz-u-boring-storeez/
amy: that would have been better with "crabby old man kitteh tellz u to get off his dam lawn!"
andy: crabby old man kitty invades your sleep and steals your dreams.
amy: crabby old man kitty could have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those darn kids!

--

amy: i have blue screen of deathed two times today
andy: windows is all powerful.
andy: it made you think you were seeing blue so that it could get real work done without you bothering it.
amy: windows is the real man's operating system.
andy: real men like to get sucker-punched.

--

andy: "I want these motherfucking agents of the Magisterium off this motherfucking balloon!"

--

andy: what's the point of a bug tracking system if you can't call someone an ass-hatted uncle fucker sometimes?

--

andy: and no, i have not gone to a church to recruit.
andy: i'm not sure i could do that.
andy: unless they were snake handlers.
amy: i think that would be amazing.
andy: well duh.

--

andy: [coworker] is rocking a goatee.
andy: no, i lied.
andy: no one "rocks" a goatee.
amy: i don't know. [coworker] rocks a lot of other things.
amy: haha
andy: if it was possible to rock a goatee, [coworker] would be doing it.
andy: currently, there is a goatee attached to [coworker]'s face.
amy: it may be slowly sucking the life out of him
amy: be careful

--

amy: wow, cupcakeblog just makes me want to eat baked goods
amy: i kind of want to follow this woman around and steal all of her cooling cupcakes from her windowsill
andy: sugar makes me want to eat baked goods.
amy: your mom makes me want to eat baked goods
andy: i ate your mom last night after she got baked.
andy: massive fail cat says: welcome to my world.