Saturday, June 23, 2007

welcome to another episode of...

amy: "When bad puns fail over instant messenger!"
andy: fuck that, my pun was officially awesome.

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amy: sometimes i think i want to marry a burrito, and have little burrito babies
amy: but then that takes me into new and unfamiliar territories, like, WTF? and cannibalism
amy: and i'm just not ready to go there, not yet.
andy: i'm glad you've spent some time thinking this one through.
andy: it would be unfortunate to run with the intial idea and then regret it later.

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amy: sometimes i wonder, which came first: slapstick comedy or leprosy?
andy: i think they co-evolved.
amy: and now i am going to reflect on how i am going to hell for making that joke.

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amy: he sleeps on a pile of money?
andy: well, that wasn't stated explicitly, but do you know anyone who wouldn't if they could?
andy: sometimes i pull all my money out of the bank in pennies for a weekend, and sleep on that.

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andy: sucks to have your final act overshadowed by the fact that you died. the best you can hope for is to combine the two, like being eaten by a shark.
andy: failing that, being killed by an out-of-control dragster in the south probably works, too.

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amy: ooh, i'm excited. i like naming things.
amy: that's like, the most exciting thing about children.
amy: (it's all downhill after that)
andy: living the adamite dream.
andy: and you don't even have to lose a rib.

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andy: MAKE_ROCKET_GO!
amy: I_CAN_HAS_ROCKET?
amy: INVISIBLE_ROCKET_OH_NOES

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andy: that's like, 53 button presses on a cellphone.
amy: unless you are a text ninja
andy: being a text ninja is like being a light switch ninja.
amy: i hear those light switch ninjas get all the girls, though.

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amy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=q3M2X4ZAH_w
andy: at some point, a musician has to ask himself, "Will playing my instrument faster get me laid more often?" at some point the amount of effort going into playing faster vastly outstrips the amount of effort going into getting laid.
andy: this guys went past that sweet spot years ago and never looked back.
amy: this is the part where i feel like i should say "i'd hit that,"but really, i wouldn't.
andy: i would just assume you meant "hit it with my car"
amy: his perm is really nice?

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andy: i'm not sure what sound my brain makes when it wakes up.
andy: probably a whimper.

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andy: i want to make the sound of a balloon deflating.
andy: (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
andy: softly

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andy: I am going to leave you with one thought: LOLcatapults.
andy: and now I am going to leave.

Friday, June 15, 2007

oh yes, she did

andy: hey, what's the difference between the [current #] patch and a horse?
amy: umm?
andy: your mom didn't install the patch today.

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andy: i'm here to suck the fun out of life

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andy: the gods have turned their backs to us. we are on our own, and we are hungry.

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andy: plastic is yummy in my tummy.

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amy: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/06/whateverrrrrrr.html
andy: whatever dog has pooped in your cup.
andy: whatcha gonna do about it?

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andy: that was tasteful.
andy: it tasted like the dust that floats in the air of an old basement after you . . .
andy: crap

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amy: everyone's snarky today
andy: snark time.
andy: snark attack.
andy: land snark.
andy: jump the snark.
amy: snarks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
amy: oh yes, i just won that exchange.
andy: nah, i just stopped playing.

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andy: can't sleep, clown'll get me.

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amy: so should i cry this time?
andy: i think we're beyond that point.
amy: ooh, time to bring in the elite ninja squadron of death?
andy: they're out back smoking. i want to tell them to get ready, but, well, they kind of scare me. i'll let them finish.

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andy: i'm sure i can find some sort of software development book that has a fancy term for that.
amy: poopification?
andy: that's the general term for software development.

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andy: http://thepeacock.com
andy: It's the new Time Cube.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

an unprecedented midweek post!

Because we're just rolling in the funny this week.

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andy: they're always out to get my lucky charms

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andy: let's wait until it's perfect.
amy: nobody likes a perfectionist.
andy: that would explain the horse's head.

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andy: did you know that the disciples of the buddha are traditionally portrayed carrying a gem-spitting mongoose that symbolizes spiritual wealth?
andy: i learned that this weekend.
amy: begs the question of, what comes out of the other end of the mongoose?
andy: crackers?

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andy: they played WoW all weekend. i didn't wear spandex once. game point: andy.

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andy: eating through part of yourself != cute

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about Jackass:

andy: of course he goes with the camera crew.
andy: otherwise it would be called "stories that knoxville makes up and expects us to believe"

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andy: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/staticarticles/article56107.html
andy: the conservative christian embrace of irony is complete.
andy: they are in your memes, coopting your voice of rebellion

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andy: all these layers of stomach-kicking indirection.
andy: at some point i feel we're losing sight of the true meaning of christmas.

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about the Hasselhoff:

andy: the hoff is music in motion. i imagine his whole life as some sort of musical.
amy: he began his life as one of the van der trapp children in "the sound of music"
andy: yeah, that's pretty much how the story goes in my head.
andy: ledderhose and such.
amy: then he discovered KITT in the wilds of the alps...
andy: the image of a young german boy eating chocolate and coming across a Trans-Am in an alpine meadow has just made my week.

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about Star Trek TNG:

amy: the only thing that has changed about my love of star trek over the years is which character i think is hottest
andy: girlish longings for riker replaced by womanly attention to data?
amy: riker was never really my type
andy: but there are so many of him to love.
andy: skinny riker.
andy: fat riker.
andy: bearded riker.
andy: pederast-looking riker.

amy: once i became fond of dorks, geordi really grew on me.
andy: yeah, it also helped that he calmed down later in the series.
andy: you watch the first season, and you think he probably goes down and has sex with the anti-matter containment unit when nobody is around.
andy: maybe he did, and they had a falling out. I mean, the AMCU was definitely a mod, and he was more of a rocker.

andy: data was always fly.
amy: yeah, i definitely liked data in my experienced, older man phase
amy: all few minutes of it

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amy: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/06/12/lolcat-alignright/
andy: i must have non-standards compliant lolcat browser. nothing was specified for "type", but they were displayed as type="kitten".

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amy: everybody dance now?
andy: quick to the point to the point no fakin'
andy: cookin' m.c.'s like a pound of bacon.
andy: burning 'em, yeah i'm quick and nimble
andy: i go crazy when i hear a cymbal.
amy: now that you mention it, there is a certain resemblance between you and vanilla ice

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andy: if [andy's last name] was a drug i'd sell it by the gram.
amy: would it kill people like that "cheese heroin" i keep seeing on CNN?
andy: if you're trying to get me to look at CNN just so that i can see paris again, good luck.
andy: i'm not falling for that crap.
andy: it's like goatse at this point.
amy: i saw that on CNN today, too

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andy: i see that http://www.keeperofthegoatse.com/ is not registered.
andy: it would be a clearinghouse for all goatse pictures.
andy: "how would you find goatse pictures?" you ask.
andy: i would have people submit them.
andy: "how would you know they were real goatse pictures, and not just pictures of dogs being eaten by squirrels?"
andy: i would have another site called http://www.goatseornotgoatse.com/, where people would vote on the submissions, deciding whether they are goatse or not.

--
upon discovering http://omg.yahoo.com/

amy: OMG is not freaking open source
andy: wow, yahoo just pissed on my face.

Friday, June 8, 2007

would you believe we talked about mostly work this week?

amy: what pairs well with whiskey, do you think?
andy: hipsters?

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andy: if i had a stone for every good idea that was stopped by cat semen, i could build myself one hell of a wall.

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andy: i'll go get the pixie dust.

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amy: http://engrish.com/recent_detail.php?imagename=jews-ear-fungus.jpg&category=CHINGLISH&date=2007-05-29
amy: i don't know what to make of that
andy: i'm just glad i will no longer have to slave over the stove to make jew's ears for my family.

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andy: all i'm saying is that i'm still not sure where two bikes and 4 pairs of spandex shorts puts me on the dork-meter.
andy: i mean, yeah, i could spend my weekend soliciting sex on the internet from people pretending to be horses.

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andy: ok, that's it. i'm never going to cnn.com again unless somebody sends me a link and promises that it has nothing to do with paris hilton.
amy: http://www.cnn.com/, i promise it has nothing to do with paris hilton
amy: oh, wait
andy: damn you.

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andy: do you think they could graft a cellphone into a kitten's back?
andy: it looks more comfortable than trying to hold my phone up to my ear.
andy: i mean, get rid of the claws and all.

Friday, June 1, 2007

andy: our swords clashed, and there were sparks.

amy: i wonder what the application of "oh lol" would be in lolcode?
andy: generic recursion.
amy: meh
amy: not good enough
amy: i want puppies to fall from the sky or something when i use "oh lol"
amy: and lest you get the wrong idea, they will have parachutes
andy: parachutes of death!!!
amy: you are an odd vegetarian.
andy: i just really hate vegetables.
amy: yeah, i bet that'll teach them a lesson

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amy: yeah, yeah, that is what my gender does: rant and nag.
andy: did you just sell women out? because that was awesome.
amy: yep. someone's got to counterbalance the feminists.
[pause]
andy: remember that time you kicked feminism in the stomach?

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amy: i need to develop my hobbies
amy: this lolcat thing is getting old
andy: inappropriate captions of pictures of the pope?
amy: has no one lolcatted the man yet?
andy: lol != inappropriate.
amy: i dunno, i think FOX has my back if i disagree with that statement
andy: fair enough

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amy: http://littledemocrats.net/
andy: sometimes i want to punch a lot of people at the same time.
andy: but since i can only punch in a serial manner, I'll start withwhoever drew the picture on the cover.

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amy: http://www.xmethods.net/ve2/ViewListing.po?key=uuid:2A84F5D4-7736-0C2B-C51D-E3D9AC53D641
amy: what i like is that there is a "Death Master File"
andy: i am become death, destroyer of SANDWICHES!!!
amy: sounds like an exciting business card
andy: is this web service like the ring, where i'll die in three days if i don't show it to somebody else?
andy: wait, is that why you showed it to me?
andy: shit.
amy: you have caught on to my staying-alive pyramid scheme
amy: sorry man, but i do what i gotta do

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andy: that picture is six kinds of awesome.
amy: i don't think he did that protest the right way
andy: "To make it more palatable, the corgi was turned into meat balls and served with salad."
andy: more palatable than, say, boiled corgi?
andy: i mean, he is british.
amy: meatballs are gross. grilled corgi is obviously the way to go.
andy: i'm thinking about it, and i can't come up with a good caption for a guy eating a dog.
amy: sounds like a personal problem.

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amy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/05/30/cheetah.infidelity.reut/index.html
amy: i'm surprised CNN didn't just skip to "female cheetas are a bunch of sluts"
amy: for a headline
andy: nah, they'd go with "cheetas are cheaters" or something like that.

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andy: everybody knows .duck files are only used by the killing robots.
andy: and trust me, the get pissed if non-killing robots (or non-robots) use them.
amy: i thought robots used .humans-must-die
andy: they do that, too.
andy: they're sneaky.

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amy: i'll take 'em down
andy: we'll go rent rambo tonight and watch it.
amy: awesome.
amy: the hulk knows how to get shit done
amy: er, hulk hogan, i mean
amy: well, sort of.
andy: he knows well enough.

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andy: sometimes you're on a roll.
andy: you just have to keep going with what you've got.
amy: and sometimes you're soft cell and make a song called "sex dwarf"?

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amy: for a SF fan, i do a pretty shitty job of watching their movies.
andy: you just hate god.
amy: nah, i just hate his taste in movies
amy: and beer
andy: touche.

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andy: http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/usb-pole-dancer-220912.php
andy: so, we have the british prudes to thank for giving us this.
amy: i bet she has crooked teeth

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andy: you can be certain that god has abandoned your city when the hipster undead are seen.
amy: emo zombies cry because someone broke their heart...after ripping it out of their chest
andy: poor emo zombies.

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amy: http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/05/23/coca.cola.sentencing/index.html
andy: wtf is wrong with Joya Williams' face?
andy: did drinking coke do that to him?
amy: it apparently started to transform her into a dog
andy: rather unfortunate.
amy: and here i thought only radiation could do that
amy: but maybe it's coke
amy: or maybe coke has radiation
andy: so is the secret recipe just the ratio of cron syrup to carbonated water?
andy: er . . . corn, not cron.
andy: fucking unix.

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amy: no nintendogs for me
amy: which is probably a good thing, if the plants on my desk have anything to say about it
andy: the plants don't lick your face.
amy: if the DS nintendogs lick my face, then i think i've got bigger problems than dying plants
andy: ok, true.
andy: but they could at least pretend.
andy: your plant isn't doing any pretending.
andy: unless it's just "playing" dead.

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andy: attachments are fleeting . . .
andy: be a leaf on the wind.
amy: as i recall, that got someone killed
andy: yeah, but everybody else lived. go on, take one for the team.

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andy: I AM CURRENTLY IN YOUR CHEEZBURGER DEGRADING THE QUALITY OF YOUR FUNNY
andy: new idea:
andy: VIMM = vomitted in my mouth
andy: VIMMCATS
amy: ...